just because this song is all awesome and stuff.

OH MY GOD

I'm looking at the world running by
these foggy days make my cry
and these black suits I don't know what they want

Singing out loud makes me feel glad
and at the same time all my friends go mad
This is the life after the IPCC
running around screaming who are we?

Don't wanna be a fish and just swim right trough
Who decides what's wrong and what's right do you
I want to step out of this - how about you?

Connecting people that's what we are
Connecting people making them stars
internet, internet oh my god
this internet!!!!!
oh my god

Give me soybeans I've got some cows to feed
this is crazy crazy crazy indeed
drinking some liquid - feeling aliiive
Every morning google at my name
afterwards always feeling insane
going to the tivoli not riding attractions

Lifestyle lifestyle I've got a lifestyle
freakshow freakshow give me more freakshow
I want to step out of this trap
I've been pointed out some positions on a map

Connecting people that's what we are
Connecting people making them stars
internet, internet oh my god
this internet!!!!!
oh my god

Something old, something new.

Det märks på vintern att det är kallt, då det blir kallt inomhus. Hoppas på något sätt att det inte bara är hemma hos mig, då är det något fel.
Slutar nog precis lagom tid idag. Kommer avsluta skoldagen med att diskutera Islam med tre vänner för att lämna in diskussionen till vår elementära lärare. Herregud.
Hey, I've got nothing to do today.
Vi borde lyssna oss för och dra oss ifrån varandra ett tag. Varför vet jag inte, jag bara skrev det. Sådant brukar ändå stämma, så jag litar på det. Det är inte alls jag. Det är inte jag som skriver, jag skriver genom något annat. Det är det som är det positiva.
Känner morgontröttheten i kroppen och den skvalar igenom min hud, hör du hur den går sönder? Rycker mig i små bitar, som hålls ihop av min starka själ.
För att bevisa vad jag har att komma med så ska jag ännu idag gå ut med varma kläder som jag inte alls bryr mig så mycket om hur de ser ut, så länge jag är varm. Så jag går i min dumma skidvinterjacka idag med. Min kappa har bara en knapp kvar och den får mig att se tjock ut. Som det är. Bara för att det är något finare under jackan. Och under tröjan finns det vackraste jag har.
And I dreamed I was dying, I dreamed that my soul rose unexpectedly
And looking back down at me, smiled reassuringly
Jag ska trampa på pedalerna utan att se vart jag är på väg för att mitt hjärta ska skrika och allting ska och jag kommer inte alls att vilja dö.
Still tomorrow's gonna be another working day and I'm trying to get some rest
That's all I'm trying, to get some rest.

Har saknat stugan men vet aldrig vad som kommer hända med mig när jag kommer dit.

It's nice to be INSIDE when it's cold OUTSIDE for once.

GIRLS GONE WILD...

lonely galaxy

time

Tips från Mike

I'm gonna use this website instead of google from now on. You too.
Now I'm gonna return to my so called friends - the french words.

Something's wrong and I'm taking it out on you you you.

The outburst of today took place inside my body when my English teacher Lars changed date for our homework.
-AGAIN. Everytime. Every damn homework.
So, instead of trying to learn the one hundred words in French, I struggled with those damn English words. Thank you very much, Lars.
And also; FYI, we read chapter 3, like, five weeks ago. Why are we discussing it NOW when we were supposed to have read chapter 7 for today? It's incredibly nice of you to ask about things that I've already forgotten everything about. Now you're going to give me a lower grade, aren't you?
And how are we supposed to take anything seriously, when we just can't finish whatever we started with?

herre min gud (alltså min gud). tomorrow we'll live a new life. at least for a little while.

sleepless forever.

OCH VAD VET DU OM ATT INTE VILJA VAKNA LÄNGRE?
NI KOMMER FÅ SE ER UNGDOM RUTTNA FRAMFÖR ER.

Tears me apart to become two.

Somebody wants to understand this freak mathematics, but someone doesn't understand at all.

Somebody has made lussekatter, but someone had different things in mind.

Somebody could read and understand perfectly, but someone is not here.

Somebody is there and here and somewhere away, but somone's gone.

Somebody believes in a dark atmosphere, but someone thinks it's dark.

Somebody heard that life is not, but someone says it's dead.

Somebody claims that nobody will understand the previous sentence, but someone hopes.

Somebody finds this being life, but someone says it's a waste of time.

Somebody wants to be over there, but someone laughs and says it's just weird.

Somebody dies because there's no fear, but someone lives and makes life clear.

Somebody cries for life is not predicted, but someone cries because everything's too late anyway.

Somebody has to continue with this freak mathematics, but someone doesn't wanna try.

Det är mer än vad man vågar tro på.

I ett fönster ser man allt. I mitt fönster har jag sett för mycket.
I mitt fönster tycker jag att jag ser för lite.

Vore det bäst med övervakning eller med fönster där man bara kan titta ut, och på så sätt låsa in sig själv?

I mitt fönster möter jag rädsla, och den ensamhet som jag måste visa. Alla visar ensamhet på egna sätt. Jag visar nog genom min överdosering av bloggande. Det tänkte jag på idag.
Jag genomför saker som en försvarsmekanism. Och så fort det inte går som det ska går jag sönder. Lite i alla fall. Men det räcker oftast som mest. För mig.

...hur kan allt bara försvinna när man lämnar något bakom sig...

pt.2

It was hard to understand that we failed

My mission was to keep it sane

But I struggled in that pain

It would've never been the same


And I couldn't find our previous spark

The more we talked it all turned dark

I wonder where we first began

I wonder what we then became

I wonder where it all went


And it gets lonely in here

but won't admit it

I feel desperation & fear

and no prediction

I hate missing those scenes

They are life ambition

I am falling nowhere

I dig this feeling deep

I wanna keep it free

MONTREAL

På SACO-mässan fick jag min UPPENBARELSE;

Jag ska till MONTREAL. Och jag ska bli bättre på ENGELSKA och FRANSKA och jag ska klara mig själv.

CA-NA-DA! CA-NA-DA!

Oh, when the night approaches
it all falls down in a twilight
Every little dark drop cries
And it all takes over my useless mind
forces me to a dreadful sight
Oh, just another night

The nights are trying to fill my heart
they take me away from a beautiful day
I can't let it go on this way
I try to change my mind but they make me stay
Let me go, let me go away
Whatever happened to the day
whatever happened to the day

(I think this is new, I just don't know what to tell you.)

No, this has not been just another weird day. It's been a sad day.

En vän med en bil made me smile a little on my way home. That's always something.

I decided to delete my post because it was so boring for me to read again.
And it wasn't me. It wasn't me.

I wanna listen to music that screams, but with a strong melody. Not too calm, not too hard.
Like some of his songs, but I can't find them.

Why do I keep wondering about how things could have been, when they aren't? What's the point, when I don't want it anyway? Guess I spend too much time on my own. Either/Or.
OH MY GOD HOW BORING I FEEL.

Vi måste härifrån, den här staden drar ner oss till botten av ån.

Varför skriver jag när jag inget har att säga och inget som jag kommer vilja läsa när jag dör? Vi måste börja leva. Åh, jag hade velat gå på WayOutWest och lyssnat på Uppsnärjd i det blå. Det hade varit en känsla.

Right now. It accured to me. That it's so weird that we are two people in this room right now. Still we're not at all at the same place. Do we even feel connection? I don't. Know. I don't know. I don't, by the way. I'm wondering about if it would've made any kind of difference if I sat here alone.

Och vi kan le, men bara i sekunder. Det är uttryck för känslor och det är förbjudet.
I hela mitt liv.

Herregud vad jag vill umgås med någon eller några nu, är rastlös och har tusen saker att säga, men så vore det förstås inte om jag faktiskt satt med någon här just nu för då skulle jag vara likadan som vanligt, mig lurar jag inte. Men vad synd det är att det är så. Jag vet vissa situationer då jag verkligen satsar hårt på att säga en sak, och gör det. Då skäms jag lite till en början, men det går över, för ingen har märkt något. Ingen har märkt min rädsla. Vissa gånger säger jag för mycket utan att jag ens har tänkt på det. Och det skäms jag också för ibland. Men vad spelar det för roll egentligen, when we're both here but still not. If this is my life and if I can't be sure if anything else exists, why should I care, then?

Det finns ingen musik som Håkan Hellström.

OCH DU SKRIVER ORD SOM MORD I HANDEN..............
Let my cry, fly or let everything die.

I miss the time we had, every day I wonder where it went.

My dad thinks that everything he finds has some kind of samlarvärde.

What's love, then?

och önskar att jag kunde somna, men det känns inte som att det går. and my feet are too hot, but when I try to keep them outside of the covering (cover? or something totally else?) they get too cold. I hate when that happens. and I don't know what to do tomorrow, I don't know where anything will take me. I've gotta create a person, whom I've named Per by the way, with tvångsmässig personlighetsstörning and I've gotta describe this scene between him and his psychologist and everything and scale 1-10. It still doesn't help. And I hate those papers we get from our psychology teacher, they are impossible to read 'cause they are too blurry. I just wanna succeed, but that's not the most important thing, anyway. I just wanna finish. Oh, that reminds me of when we were in London with Stööps, and the waitress asked: "Are you finish?" And mr. Stööp replied: "No, Swedish!"
And they laughed so bad.
I wanna go abroad. I wanna rest my soul. I don't know if I wanna do either alone. I don't know.
Sometimes I wonder about whether I should go to a psychologist or not. I believe that everybody should. At least during these days, these times.
I DON'T KNOW, ALRIGHT?
I just feel like writing the whole night and sleep all day after that. Oh, how I'd love to!
Or at least stay home. So I could study, and not feel stressful like that.
OH MY GOD!!! About Simon and Garfunkel. I think I've totally mixed up their names. How weird! Or, I don't really know. Not exactly maybe. Something happened there, anyway. But still, all these years! No, it can't have been. No. But why was I so shocked, like, two minutes ago then? I guess I actually am tired.

Do you people out there somewhere also hate those fucking fights at youtube? Like;

@trafficsignal101
What are you ... an asshole? Don't talk to me like that, you fucking troll!
This was a Simon and Garfunkely concert. The fact that Simon is not present onstage during this ONE particular song ... well, there is always one difficult person who isn't happy unless they have something to gripe about.
You can cure your shitty outlook on life ... by getting your head out of your ass!

KarmicOmen 2 veckor sedan 19

pokMy3bIka

2 veckor sedan

@KarmicOmen Yeah, how could you NOT write that Simon is not present on stage during this song.
I bet everyone was more than disappointed when wanting to listen to bridge over troubled water by SIMON and Garfunkel and now there's just Garfunkel.
A real Simon and Garfunkel fan can't deal with this kind of stuff, so what do you lie, dirt bag!?!?
Muhaha, sorry, I had to write this down.

pokMy3bIka 2 veckor sedan

I mean, why do you even have to bother?? Like, yeah, I totally believe that you're not a real Simon and Garfunkel fan if you add Simon to the title!
OH, COME ON.

But still, then I shouldn't bother either.

I wanna don't wanna.

Now I'm getting hungry as well, what a super timing. That's maybe the most frustrating thing when you can't fall asleep. It's not like I'm gonna go up and eat.

Or, ok, that is totally not the most annoying thing when you can't fall asleep. The most annoying thing when I can't fall asleep is that my dad eventually starts to snore (but I still love him). I mean, it could have been anyone. I believe that I make all different kind of noises in my sleep. But I don't think I snore...

Things just happen.

I caught my mother reading my former blog this evening. And sure, that's not the whole world, but I have a feeling that she felt a little ashamed of it. That she read it. Because her first reaction was like: "No, I didn't!" And a few seconds later she was more like: "Or well, I did." But she didn't say that much. I told her I have a new blog now, anyway. Of course she read that. I believe so, anyway.

It feels a little weird though. Parents reading your blog. But still, I let the whole wide world read this, and I don't really mind. Because I don't believe it. I just don't want my mother to think.. what?

Exaggerations.

Listening to Silent Night, 7 o'clock news. I feel relaxed when I listen to the radio nowadays. I've gotta do that more.

Yeah, I believe I'm tired now. Like everybody else who's read this far (hope no one has). But don't feel bad if you did.

Goodnight.

Half of the time we're gone but we don't know where.

Nu är min mössa helt klar! Och jo, Ida hjälpte till på sitt sätt (inte alls, alltså!)
Men det gör inget, hon är för oskuldsfull.

Somebody's baby boy ain't coming home tonight

we don't need no baseball bats
we don't need no silver ghats
but we're gonna fight tonight
put up your dukes and fight
big brother's just standing on the side
watching you flex your pride
but you know if they all jump in
big brother's got your skin

the ice cream truck sings no more
all the kids from school are keeping score
you swing and you duck and you hit the floor
but you gotta get up at least once more
mama comes screaming down the stairs
everybody looks nobody scares
mama can't believe that nobody cares
it's her baby boy how do they dare
mama says bitch come over here
if you're so tough you'll have no fear

but why'd you bring your friends
and the whole damn school
to watch my baby boy go down like a fool

but brother says mama they're the same damn size
got to let him grow up and get street wise
but mama says baby go get that bat
and come back down and beat some ass

somebody's baby boy ain't coming home tonight

one wrong move and it'll be too late
mama won't be making no birthday cake
it all went down one afternoon
in brooklyn

Lycka är inte något jag överdriver idag!

yeeeey, har lärt mig att sticka rätt, avigt och halvpatent idag!
det gjorde min dag. nu väntar jag på att mamma ska vila klart så att hon kan hjälpa mig för att jag råkade sticka samma sak två gånger i rad.
men den är rosa, lila, ljusbrun/beige min mössa som jag ska sticka, för vantar kan jag nog inte.
och halsduk vill jag också sticka!
åh vad jag är glad!
har varit på stan och tittat på olika julskyltningar, mest på cervera i och för sig, men det var mysigt. och var på stadsmissionen, typ ebbas second hand. det var litet, men mamma och pappa ville dit, och pappa köpte hjärtformar till mig så att jag kan baka vaniljhjärtan (oj, vad jag kommer att misslyckas).
och i kväll ska jag baka en mazarintoscakaka till fars dag i morgon. då tror jag pappa blir glad, jag tror han gillar det.
mamma, snälla hjälp mig med stickningen nu så att jag blir klar med mössan!
om den inte blir bra kommer jag bli besviken men ändå. jag kommer ändå ha lärt mig något nytt.
jag kan ju sticka tröjor, och en helt ny garderob!
okej, överdriv inte nu.
men lyckan är inte något som jag överdriver idag!

Aniara

"Vår själ förnöts av drömmar, ständigt gnider vi dröm mot dröm av brist på verklighet."

"Uppfinnaren var själv fullständigt slagen den dag han fann att hälften av den mina han funnit upp låg bortom analysen. Att hälften funnits upp av miman själv."

"Jag frågade mig själv men glömde svara.
 Jag drömde mig ett liv men glömde vara."

The winter will take us all

I had the time to change my mind

I’d bet it was a sacrifice

I talked with you again

I was not who I am

I tried so hard to keep it inside

But that’s not what love is about

I tried to tell you how to feel

I tried to tell you how to love

And it gets lonely in here

but can't admit it

I feel desperation and fear

and no prediction

I hate missing those scenes

They are life ambition

I am falling nowhere

I dig this feeling deep

I wanna keep it free 

This is why I write, I do know now

And if the snow buries my,
my neighbourhood.
And if my parents are crying
then I'll dig a tunnel
from my window to yours,
yeah a tunnel from my window to yours.
You climb out the chimney
and meet me in the middle,
the middle of the town.
And since there's no one else around,
we let our hair grow long
and forget all we used to know,
then our skin gets thicker
from living out in the snow.


I've figured out why I write as much as I do here. It's because I wanna get out and let it out. There's such a feeling inside of me, such an anger sometimes. And I wanna scream, but I just keep whining about it here instead. Actually, I don't wanna scream at all. Don't know why I wrote that.
And I think there's a specific feeling inside of me when I write. It feels like I'm talking to someone. Who's not here. And maybe nowhere.
That's why I get so disappointed with myself when I hang out with people out in the reality. Confirmation, you totally know what I'm talking about.
Uhm, and then it is more. Sometimes it's relaxing.
And I try to reach out and try to prove things, but for what?

And things have happened lately. Not just in my life. And it all makes me sad. And I miss living with people. I miss my sister, but it's not just that. Last year I had someone who came visiting sometimes. But I put so much effort into it. And I didn't get that much of response. I needed more.
It's sort of a desperation, I know.
I just feel..
I hate writing that. Saying. Whatever.

I FUCKING NEED CONFIRMATION AND I'M SORRY FOR EVERYTHING.

I'm so so so so so so empty.
I'm so so so so so so nothing.
I'm so so so so so so afraid.
I'm so so so so so so sorry.
And finally; I'm so disappointed.

Ska skriva ned mina glada minnen av dagen så att mitt liv också fylls.

somebody's baby boy ain't coming home tonight

I lost my mind today

Have created a new blog where I'm gonna put news that trouble me.
I lost my mind today
which I do very often when I decide to read the newspapers.

My next mission.

                                            

ATTENTION! - Ne lisez pas.

                                                      PLEASE DON'T ASK ME IF IT'S REAL

Yeah well. It all started on the train. I had this crowdy seat surrounded by not one but two families with children.
Yeah. And then the computer started to die, and I couldn't find a eluttag to charge it. Although, when I was about to get off the train I realized that there were two of them right between the seats. Think about that. And it was really dark and depressing. Then I ran around at Centralen with my fucking heavy bag. And when I finally got on the train to Uppsala I happened to sit with two metal guys who talked about tr00 and what's tr00 or not.
-Oh, come on..! You're my age!
And they also just reminded me of the best time I ever had in my former relationship. Because they eventually came from Täby and they talked about those stuff and we also went past Upplands Väsby, where I used to get on the bus to his home. Nice.
And yes, it was so sad that I almost cried. My eyes became wet, anyway.
When I "finally" came to Uppsala it was freaking ice cold and my fucking bags. I had to go to the ATM to get some bus money because I couldn't imagine myself walking the whole fucking way home. Well, I reached the bus stop. "What the FUCK, am I seriously gonna have to wait for the damn bus for 16 minutes???"
(...)
 "26 MINUTES?!?!?"
Then I fucking HAD to walk all the way home. And I couldn't even listen to my iPod, cause it was dead. My arms hurt, it was freezing, I was starving and I seriously had to take at least five breaks, just to breathe..!
And yeah, did I tell you? I got my fucking period today. It's the fucking third time in six weeks. Oh yeah, fucking thank you Nature for all you've done to me during these weeks.

If I lived in an English speaking country and had a son, I'd maybe call him Sean. That's kind of a wonderful little name.

Fever, I'd bet.

Away I'd rather sail away like a swan that's here and gone.

nu skäms jag men jag vet inte för vad. kanske att jag skrev turkeys när det är helt fel och låter helknäppt. men jag vet i och för sig inte var de kom från heller.
"where do you come from?"
"i'm from mars."
"where is that?"
(ofta man inte vet)
"it's out in the space."
"huh? oooh! hahahaha!"
losing dignity and so on. yeah, what am i doing. luckily it's just saturday. have to brosser mes dents.simonandgarfunkel. helps.
such a newbie.
such a bore.
det finns inga ord för det på det här jävla språket.
jag har inga ord för att vi andas, tänker, känner samma sak.
indigo. you broke my heart.
losing dignity and so on.

The Social Network, someone?

I wanna see The Social Network even though I hate the Swedish cinema prices.
I wanna know about it all. Like, the world, the people, the so-called awareness.
Just to understand what different people really are talking about.
That's what I'm talking about.

Thousand different places.

"My ear hurts so bad I can hear it! I can hear my own ear! Think about that."


Yeah, well. I've had my thoughts about that today. It freaked me out, though.










Ended up watching Control last night and it was so beautiful. I always think it's too sad or something, or that I'm just not in the mood. But it did help my feelings. To like let it out. I was just being lonely. Guess it's our hearts. I do.
For what it's worth, I'm leaving. I wanna do those stuff too. Like go. I too wanna wear clothes with colors. I believe I'm gonna. Sometimes I think about creating another blog where I could write about my dreams. Like those in the nights. It would be cool to remember all those stuff. What if they'll, like, make my mind clear! That would surely be something. Or, you know, I'll just write about them here. But then I'm afraid it's gonna be too much (cause it's already too much).
But I can't get these things out of my head, and I wanna talk about them, but I can't when I'm not inside. You know, you can't just ask those questions at school, at the library, at v-dala. I'm just not there. And yes, that is kind of sad, for sure. I just wanna feel relaxed. Something's holding me. Back.


Who are those guys?? I think the world is it's own enemy. Yeah, totally. And I'm being too lazy for turning the dvd on side A. Don't even know what's hiding there, really. Or maybe I do, by the way.
I have got to stop eating those fudges, it's just that I started to think about them today, and now I'm an addict. Luckily, I leave tomorrow, and I'll be gone. Oh my god, what's up?
-Do you know what I mean?
-Do you?


So yes, I'm sorry for being such a pain in the ass.
Yeah, I feel a lot better though. I am going to leave and when I come back I'm gonna be a different mind. (Yes, I know...)


Confusion in her eyes that says it all
She's lost control
And she's clinging to the nearest passer by
She's lost control
And she gave away the secrets of her past
And said I've lost control again
And a voice that told her when and where to act
She said I've lost control again


And she expressed herself in many different ways.


Help me, how I don't like myself this very second. Don't. Just stay quiet now, Erika. Du ska ju inte prata om sådant, inte ens för dig själv. Sch, istället. Och vi släpper dina tankar för ett tag, och vi bestämmer oss för livet, ditt liv. Ja, för att det inte ska vara så som du låtsas. Såklart att det känns såhär nu, för att du är ovan. But it's never. Not the same.
Maybe I'm just nervous about the whole trip tomorrow. Tiden, or whatever.

In the night cause there's no fun.

 Yeah, it was without a doubt a scary night.
 Jag lekte döden eller död. Det är svårt att avgöra när

man ser dessa bilder. Men det var trevligt men allra mest läskigt, ja.